Children on the Autism Spectrum and Friendships

Last month I travelled to The University of Wollongong campus for a seminar on Autism - Friendships, Romantic Relationships and Bullying. It was an interesting day filled with much information from people with lived experiences of autism. Here are a few takeaways from the day on friendships.

Friendships

There is a difference between peer acceptance and friendships. Peer acceptance is about being accepted and included as part of the group. Whereas, friendships give people an opportunity to learn other skills and provide a support network.

There is a myth that people on the spectrum aren’t interested in having friends, but it is a human need to connect with others. What friendships for a person with autism look like can be very different to what you might expect as a neurotypical person. What does it mean that friendships look different? Well it could be that someone on the spectrum will find that they can only spend a small amount of time socializing and then they need to have some down time e.g. they may not spend all day with someone or at an event, but may spend a couple of hours and then leave to have some quiet time at home. It could be that they come together with friends to share a special interest such as talking about horses, playing YuGiOh or watching and discussing Anime.

In order to make friends people have to meet, exchange information and find common ground. This exchange of information often looks different between the genders. In general, females have more verbal exchanges and males prefer to interact over a joint activity with not so much verbal interaction.

Taking steps to help your child form social connections can help a child socially more than simply teaching social skills. Once a child has social connections and is included in the social world they are being exposed to real life social exchanges and experiences during their social interactions. This provides many opportunities for them to learn from their peers.

Something that is in the pipeline at Nurture Counselling Services is to offer social groups where children can meet and interact with their peers, with the aim of helping them form social connections with other children with a shared interest. These groups will be inclusive for any local children interested in the activity.

What have your experiences been? Is your child socially accepted by their peers? Do they have friends or do they tell you they are lonely?